25 Little Things: Week 3
For week 3 of 25 Little Things, I wanted to focus on what has been the biggest source of growth for me in my 24th year - finding the lesson in every stressful or negative thing that happened. This calendar year, specifically, has been really great, but also really hard for me. I’ve had a lot of setbacks, a lot of gains, made some major life changes, changed physically and mentally, and have felt both so extremely happy and so incredibly low.
This summer in particular, I finally realized that every single thing that had been bad about the year so far had turned into something greater, or opportunities that fell into my lap earlier suddenly mad their purpose clear. I truly saw that if I just stopped to look at the bigger picture instead of dwelling on every bad thing that happened to me this year, it really all came full circle.
Find the positive in the negative.
There are a handful of negative comments that have been made to me, about me, in my life that stuck with me. Some came from classmates as early as second and third grade (kids can be mean, y’all), one from a college professor, someone I almost interned for, you get the idea. The one, however, that has stuck with me the most, came from that almost internship. In a not so kind way, I was called “persistent” by the man I was supposed to intern for. Meant with the negative connotation, not the “determined” kind of way. It bothered me for a while. But after realizing that those words had no meaning in my life (honestly, I can’t even remember the guy’s name), I stopped fretting over his comments.
And when I was closing up that chapter, I looked closer at what he said, and realized that me being “persistent,” isn’t at all a bad thing. I go after what I want, and maybe it can come off as a little intense or even annoying sometimes, but it means that I’ll work hard and see things through. Letting one bad comment stick with me did nothing. He didn’t feel bad about it. I wasted time feeling sad about it. So instead of dwelling, work to put a positive spin on something that may not seem so positive initially.
The whole “lions don’t lose sleep” thing is real.
Maybe it’s the Leo in me, but I’ve truly learned to stop placing so much value on others’ opinions of me. We all know the adage “lions don’t lose sleep over the opinions of sheep,” and it’s something that takes time to develop, but it’s so freeing once you stop worrying about what everyone thinks about you. All that matters is what you think of you. Of course if you value someone’s opinion - it matters. But spending so much time dwelling over what every single person thinks about you is a serious time waster, and absolutely does not do you any good. As evidenced by my last point, I’ve definitely let one person make me feel bad about myself before, only to later realize how pointless it was.
It’s hard, especially if you’re involved in any sort of online community - whether it’s blogging, or Instagram, or a YouTube channel - where you’re fighting numbers and algorithms that bust open the door for judgment. Opening yourself up to a world where people can say hurtful things from behind a screen on the other side of the world isn't easy at all. But at the end of the day, what matters is your own opinion of yourself, that of those who love and support you, and of course, your own happiness. If you stopped to worry about what everyone thought of you, you just can’t move forward.
Do what makes you happy.
So, yes, obviously, do this one. Life is entirely too short to do things that make you miserable. Some things are a necessary evil, of course, but when it comes to what you do in your free time? Not to be cliche, but live your best life! Even if you feel “weird” for liking something, just remember the previous point - and don’t worry about what everyone and their mom thinks about what you do with your life. Just live it.
“Perfection” and “failure” are not the only measures of success.
Earlier this year, I got an A on a physics exam. Good, right? No. I got an A, but refused to be happy about it and was certainly not proud of it. Why? Because I got a 94 and not a 100. I let those 6 missed points weigh so heavily on me that I didn’t even stop to celebrate the 94 points that I actually earned. And because it wasn’t up to my standards, I let myself feel like I failed. Aside from that fact that this obviously is not a healthy mindset, the more I heard myself tell this story, the more ridiculous I realized it sounded.
Every success - small or large - is a success. It is a step towards progress, towards something greater. Just because it isn’t perfect - whether that’s a numerical definition or your own standards, doesn’t mean it’s a failure (again, numerically or otherwise). Ultimately, success is not a bipolar scale, nor is the path to it linear. Everything that happens between the highest highs and the lowest lows is still part of your story, even when things didn’t go as planned - especially when things didn’t go as planned.
Trust your gut.
I’ve made mistakes this year solely because I didn’t go with my gut instinct. I questioned myself and was filled with doubt, and in the end, it made things worse. But looking at the more positive side of things, I learned that if it feels right, it probably is right.
I spent a lot of time stressing over things this year, and someone told me that “it would all become clear soon.” I sort of shrugged it off initially, but literally within a few days, I started to just trust what I was feeling, and sure enough, the way to overcome what I’d spent months stressing over was just suddenly…crystal clear.
All that to say, believe in yourself, and believe yourself. Only you know what’s best for you, and if you’re feeling passionate about something or like you’re being called to do something, go for it.
